Leading with a Conscious Heart - Part II

“Do not stick out your booty, lead with your chest!” - Quoc Ngo, 2010 Who would think that this line would inspire me to write a two-part essay?  It started one morning with a hearty workout and correctly guided push-ups “to align my booty with my back and to lead my push-ups using my chest first.” I immediately saw the wisdom in Quoc’s statements and reinterpreted it as “ Do not start your relationships with lusty appreciation of your booty, but instead, lead your relationships with your heart."  When we put our self-interests first, we lose relations with folks. Instead of using our conscious hearts, we relate to them with our unconscious bottoms, looking to them for maximizing our opportunities, instead of serving them. Leading with a conscious heart, according to Gary Hendricks, has three qualities: telling the truth, keeping agreements and listening non-judgmentally. Part I dealt with telling the truth and why that practice is about loving yourself and others.  Part II is about keeping agreements and listening non-judgmentally and how these help build trust within a community and a nation. Why keeping agreements is honoring others When you tell the truth, you honor yourself. Your soul is at peace. You also make agreements that you keep. Over the years as a non-profit volunteer, I worked with folks who made excuses as to why they could not fulfill their responsibilities.  When the going gets tough, I got phone calls from people who wanted to drop out. The more excuses they gave as to why they could not fulfill their responsibilities, the smaller in stature they felt. We then discussed some of their personal barriers. In some cases, I succeeded in influencing them to keep on going.  In other situations, I could not.  They showed little or no importance to folks who worked with them, and even less to their legacy while showing more to their self-interests. Lately, we had a failed run of a vice-presidential candidate who cared more about winning the election than her own running mate -- the other party’s presidential candidate.   She went to events spouting off her own ideas, some half-baked, some even ludicrous, like Russia can be seen from Alaska.  When her candidacy for America’s second highest position failed, she resigned as governor, mid-term in her tenure.   In Hill.Com, a fellow Republican, Governor Christine Whitman described her as “unqualified to run again for public office, as she shows more allegiance to her self-interests, and works against the interests of the constituents who elected her.” When I read that recently, it underscored the absolute importance of keeping agreements, as it shows how you honor your constituents and the mandate they gave you in electing you -- much like non-profits. At the recent memorial for the late Peter J. Corpus, SIPA and other organizations collaborated. It was a seamless celebration as folks contributed towards a common goal -- "introducing Peter J. Corpus to the larger community,"and setting aside their organization's self-interests. It was a labor of love, unselfishly and wholeheartedly given, as tokens of their final respects to Peter.  A video montage of his photos, the music, short tributes and even food entrees were carefully prepared.  Folks were ushered to view the casket, giving order to the event.  12 or more organizations unselfishly shared their talents and resources as parting gifts to Peter, like a seamless lei of orchids.   Each organization kept their agreements to one another.  Honoring agreements, these community organizations understood its importance, fulfilling an unwritten social contract as part of a caring and humane community. Herein lies the importance of listening non-judgmentally.   Most of my adult life was spent living in America, dealing with various multicultural groups: Jews, Caucasians, Italians, African-Americans, Latinos, and of course, Pinoys.   Can you imagine what it would be like, not being heard but being judged? You feel like a geek or a nerd or a social misfit  -- categorized or marginalized.  You feel like an inadequate outsider as Charice did in an episode of Glee.  Try spending time with a community of musicians.  Each musician validates one another and each player contributes to the overall musical arrangement which a jazz singer sings to.   Before Annie Brazil sang, she asked the pianist, Eli Brueggemann, “Is that an F?" to which Eli nodded. Annie smiled, and considered it might be her mistake, as she confided later on that she seemed to be hearing the bass at a lower tone.  She listened non-judgmentally and got going. The audience came to life and started singing with her. That is the effect of listening to one another, it was as if the audience blended with Annie’s positive energies and created a synergy of harmony -- a peaceful sea of contented hearts.    That is how I feel about my current set of friends. We come from various colleges and universities, yet later on, we found out that we share common values -- love of family, love of country, and love of music.  We shared stories that made everyone laugh, like one evening, at Rocio’s house.  Maura Brito, a Honduran-American, kissed and surrounded by young men in Paris, France She had assembled alumni from St. Agnes Academy and included us among them: Ligaya who went to Philippine Women’s University and who worked at ABC-TV here in the US; and myself from the University of the Philippines who worked in government.  We had nothing in common, except that we're both women, yet we stayed open and listened to one another non-judgmentally.  The end result was a non-stop evening of laughter over good food for three hours. Our gay friends, John and John did the same for Christmas brunch. Despite our differences, we had one thing in common -- a strong love of community. We went from table to table, exchanging stories. Even the teenagers and young children bonded on their own.  By the time we said goodbye, four hours had passed. Grace and Gratitude Dinner, Dec. 2010 All these three qualities of telling the truth, keeping agreements and listening non-judgmentally build trust within a community and create peace of mind within oneself.   Try doing the opposite, and you incur the ire of a community -- the anger of a nation upset over the loss of unemployment benefits, increased taxes for working families and too much generosity to the wealthy 2% of the population.   We have nothing against them, but we want them to recognize that they have everything: food, clothing, education and shelter, while other income groups are lacking in those basic needs.  So, why not help rebuild the trust within America and consider others’ interests and not solely our self-interests?  Pres. Bill Clinton said it best, " it is not about class warfare, it is [about] fairness, and that is what America is about. " Now, I fully appreciate what Quoc Ngo said and my own interpretation of it. Maybe we can recapture the best of America through our best selves, our healthy families and our healthy community!