Leap of Faith

“You are called by the Society of Jesus to be men and women who reflect upon the reality of the world around you with all of its ambiguities, opportunities and challenges in order to discern what is really happening in your lives and in the lives of others, to find God there and to discover where He’s calling you, to employ criteria for significant choices that reflect Godly values rather than narrow, exclusive self-interest, to decide in light of what is truly for the greater glory of God and in the service of those in need, and then to act accordingly. “Fr. Peter Hans Kolvenback, cited by Greg Castilla, 2003.

Greg Castilla wrote about this quote when he spoke to the Ateneo de Naga alumni in San Diego and of “finding God in whatever we are doing and to serve people who are in need.” He described a good leader, “they are imbued with nothing but to serve their people and this is the source of their strength. “ And of a verse in Ecclesisasticus, “For everything, there’s a season – a time to act, a time to assess. “

But what exactly are Godly values? What does it mean not to have a narrow, exclusive self-interest? We were fortunate to get an invitation at a reunion of Ritarians (alumni of St. Rita College in Manila). It started with a mass and a sharing of divine providence, of unexpected provisions from above, by Fr. Albert Avenido.

He related the story of a student whose father, an overseas Filipino worker, got laid off. This student was in his last year of college, but could not continue without $500 for his tuition for the year. Fr. Avenido, who founded the Barkada ng Sagrada de Familia, was hesitant in helping him out because the foundation had already completed their selection process for the scholars that will be supported by donors abroad.

He was thus faced with a dilemma of continuing to serve others, not just upholding the foundation’s orderly, democratic process of assessment, discussion and selection that has served them well. He prayed for this challenge and agreed to do it the next day. In two days, he got something in the mail, an unsolicited card from a donor/friend who has lost touch with him and gave him $600.

Instead of ministering to his personal needs, he remitted the full amount to his Barkada ng Sagrada de Familia and the tuition for this scholar was provided for. Fr. Avenido embodied the values that Greg Castilla described: a selfless leader who serves folks in need, but first, giving himself a time to act, a time to assess. It is what my mother, Asuncion describes as ‘not being impulsive.’

I must have been out somewhere when my mom imparted that lesson to us. For, I acted impulsively, but gave myself a condition. I told myself I would attend Brother Carmelo’s healing mass, if my spirit-conscious friend, D would come. I did not share my wish for my friend to come, just prayed to God. I figured being semi-impulsive, with a pause would be precisely what my mother advised me. Well, my half-impulsive and half-decisive action took a circuitous journey.

I met up with D, at a location that I had driven through for years. For some weirdness, I got turned around. It no longer looked familiar, too many new condos and lofts. I was supposed to go to Glendale and Silverlake, but got turned around to go to Glendale and Echo Park, then, thought it might be Glendale and Beverly. I got myself so confused that it took two human interventions, two calls from my patient friend, D who gave me directions, and a divine intervention, as I prayed to find my way. I got to our meeting place and D led me, driving ahead of me, to the healing mass. After my prayers and support from D, we got there in seven minutes.

As we got to the pre-school’s assembly room, it smelled of fragrant rose essence, full in its depth, yet subtle. It enticed you to enter the room. We missed the mass, but came in time for us to witness something extraordinary. Earlier, 48 folks saw him open the bottle of water, then, dipped his entire rosary inside the container. The water had turned thick, bloodied in color, and fragrant with rose essence. The water got poured into clear bowls and passed around.

I dipped my hand, as if the holy water in a font, and applied it to my forehead. D, my friend did too. The fragrance was overwhelming and pervasive, yet subdued and not intrusive. I dipped my entire rosary, like Brother Carmelo did to the clear bottle of water.

I watched as Brother Carmelo, wearing a white shirt, dip a paper napkin in a container that was milky, bloodied in color, and smelled like fragrant roses. He held up the napkin, and a bloodied image of what looked like Jesus Christ appeared on the napkin.

Folks gasped in seeing the image, and there was a rush to come forward, but he got us to form a circle. My mind could not figure out what was going on, yet I chose to remain open, a leap of faith to accept this experience. I asked the Spirit to guide me, to stay present with me, during these moments.

Volunteers stripped the white stemmed roses, purchased by them, and earlier had been placed at the table. They stripped off the petals, which were then placed in a clear bowl. Impulsively, the crowd started singing. Hearing the songs brought a sacred feel to it, even though we were inside a classroom.

Carmelo gave each of us a white rose petal, blank in imprints, as it should be, yet when I lifted it off my chest, it had a sacred heart image – the same heart that I saw in Immaculate Heart of Mary Church. Later, I came to know it as the Mother of Eucharist and Perpetual Grace. D got the same images. I glanced at what others had. All had different images: St. Bernadette, St. Rita, Virgin Mary, prior masses for priests, as shared by Fr. Avenido, had different imprints: coat of arms, Pope John Paul II.

There was a commotion when the rose petal took on the shape of a white eucharist and imprinted on it was the sign of the cross. The host/organizer, Cecilia Ramos, offered it to me, and I swallowed it like taking Holy Communion during a Mass. "I have never seen roses turn into bread of life," D said. I felt at ease, calmer and lighter. It was like losing lots of weight, feeling self-assured and clear as to my path.

It clearly was not Harry Potter’s wizardry, although the experience seemed like magic, but with sacredness to it. It was not a man-made imprint, as the imprint was inside the rose petal, like the natural veins in the petal. It was not pre-formed, as there were different images for each person who attended. The images also appeared instantaneous, within seconds of being touched by Brother Carmelo. I asked Brother Carmelo why a sacred heart and why Fr. Pio – he said “I will be like Fr. Pio.” Fr. Avenido, who by email, interpreted the sacred heart as a symbol of unconditional love and Fr. Pio's image as sharing in the wounds of Christ.

I visited Fr. Pio's church, on a recent trip to the Philippines. I just picked up Fr. Pio's book for my friend, D. It described how Fr. Pio offered his sufferings for the remission of sins of others and to atone for their sufferings. I bought it at the Cathedral of Angels, on exactly the anniversary day of Fr. Pio, unbeknownst to me. One of my children was born on the same day. Still, the question remained – what are the Godlike values that Fr. Peter and Greg were talking about? Is it to offer our lives for the good of others, just like Carmelo or Fr. Pio?

Carmelo’s host, Cecilia Ramos, spoke of his mission, that any donations he gets will be to take the priests from the Philippines, on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, his chosen ministry to help deepen their faith and his. He started sharing his healing powers in healing masses since 1993 in Los Angeles and all over the world. It is now 2010. He has now sponsored thousands of priests to go to the Holy Land.

As to conversion and healing, Brother Carmelo asked “Have you been converted enough to believe in God? To truly be in His Service? To allow your life to be in God's hands? "

We may worship God, trees, rivers or the spirit of nature, like American Indians, but all of us have an inherent capacity to care, to live our lives solely not for ourselves, but in service of others. Whatever miracles we witness, the underlying lesson I believe is to become the best breeds of ourselves, to engage our lives to be of service to others. In that sense, whatever we do on behalf of God, or nature or Universal Higher Power, to serve others, we have become Godlike in values.

As to D, she shared her lesson of discernment that our experience that night is to reflect on what is our mission, what is our higher purpose in life?

I remain a work in progress, and continue to believe that my writing is a form of ministry, a form of community service, that is, to be a witness of generosity, goodness and integrity!