Deep change in 2010 and the year ahead

“ Deep change takes an open mind and an open heart. It demands the ability to look deeply and stay connected, to maintain compassion and presence, to break silos and perceive new links and patterns, to be resilient and keep going in the face of obstacles and unknowns, and to discover and assimilate new habits of thought and behavior. “ - Mary C. Pearl, 2010

Losing weight for the umpteenth time was not going to be my life in 2010.  It was not even a consideration. Ten months later, I craved physical movement. I even climbed hills on my own and went for long walks with or without company.  But the journey to where I am now was slow and an uphill one. 

Cleo R. was my gym companion just before I gave birth to my firstborn, Corina. For two years, a friend, Yasmin T. invested her early mornings to walk with me.  We did it consistently, come rain or shine and she helped me decide when it was time to retire to free up my spirit and do what I wanted: write, travel, cook, laugh and share stories with friends.

Then, it was a series of trainers -- an ex-Vietnam marine, Jose, referred by Yasmin who considered me a project to be tracked, to be measured and to be aligned. The more he kept track of my progress on the computerized worksheet, the more I rebelled.  The more I rebelled, the more he became stern until a few months later, my spirit instinctively told me to yank him out of my life. 

I found another trainer, Xig, a former heroine user who went through a detox program, became sober and now have clients to work with. But a lot of his demons had not left him and from time to time, his language became less than what I could tolerate: fantasies, illusions of fast wealth and uncontrolled accumulation of real properties, mirroring his uncontrolled urges that he once used to feed with narcotics.

What I realized that both trainers had their own journeys to wellness to complete, and though I was uneven and inconsistent with physical fitness, I did not need a coach who would bring me into another zone of incompleteness and lack of wholesomeness. I fired two trainers and was consigned to no longer have one.

But then, I saw Roger Yamanaka training like a zen master, completely focusing on his clients while coaching them in Pilates.  He did not waste moments.  He took continuing education classes to keep him abreast of health trends.  He was not that keen on accepting new clients. Somehow, I convinced him to take me.   He was topnotch and of course, top value too.   He gave me a break in fees, being a government employee since I could not afford to have him as a trainer for over a year.

When I went on an extended vacation in the Philippines, I chose to pay him a quarter of his fees, to reserve my slot. I requested my daughter to use it.  She chose massages.  Roger not only did weight training, Pilates, but also physical rehabilitation and full body massage.  But, two years into my son’s college education, his tuition went up drastically and my training fees became unsustainable.  By not having a trainer and not moving, I slid back into an unconscious life, my sense of well-being compromised.  

I was more susceptible to colds, allergies and my asthma was uncontrollable.  The doctors of Kaiser Permanente  prescribed an anti-synergistic combination of Qvar and Albuterol, Qvar for long-term relief and Albuterol for short-term relief.  That was in theory.  Qvar resulted in many emergency visits for me, as I was unable to breathe, and because I could not breathe, my blood pressure, that has been 120/80 for years, suddenly was out of range.  Good thing I resisted the blood pressure medications and opted for exercise.  But, God had a plan for me – I was going to experience healing and my asthma would be controlled.   

I went with my husband to Leyte in the Philippines, my immune system completely shut down from pollen, allergies, asthma, and influenza.  Two days of nebulizer, oxygen and intravenous medications at Visayas State University’s infirmary did not bring me to normalcy.  

I vowed 9 days of novena masses. Then,  I experienced a miracle -- my blood pressure became normal in three hours, I was discharged and I got a new lease in life.  I asked God  to bring me back to Los Angeles and I would not only do novena masses, but also take care of myself.   I took my new set of Rx and my Kaiser doctor said they have no US equivalent for the Swiss medications prescribed for me. I told them “ If the USA was able to send men to the moon, I am sure the equivalent Rx can be found. “ Luckily for me, Dr. Dizon, a Filipino-American doctor at Kaiser persisted and now, my asthma is under control with Flovent, 220 mcg and Serevent, 50 mcg. Still, much work has to be done.

Somehow, I have lived in perpetual denial that health is not wealth.  I did not realize that I had become my family’s project.  My husband and my daughter enticed me to walk uphill to Runyon Canyon.  During my first day of walking, I felt my chest almost broke apart, I could not move beyond a few feet.  I struggled to keep going for about a month, until I was introduced to a trainer with kettle bells, Quoc Ngo. 

Quoc is a fit, muscular, tall Vietnamese – American who run UCLA’s physical fitness program.  My husband happens to be a Bruin also, so there was a connection of smarts right away.  But, I am the difficult project when it comes to physical fitness.  I give up halfway to my goal, as my mind starts giving my body excuses. 

Quoc was patient and not quick to criticize.  He observed me for months. It took six months of affirming and convincing me that I am making physical progress. It was not until the tenth month of training that he made his full assessment: “ That when I am focused, I give him a power work-out. When I am not,  I am shortchanging myself as he trains my husband and I for only two hours a week and I am all over the place.“  

He gave me his observations factually.  He then concluded the session by requesting my husband to give me positive support, but not before he asked me to photograph my food intake. I thought I had done enough to get myself fit, but as it turns out, by taking a picture of my meals, it opened my eyes on how some of my snacking was unconscious, it also gave me an inner will to resist the buffet spread of the holidays.  

I can honestly say that exercise and fitness are part of me now.  I have even used Facebook to track my progress, and I have now exercised 165 days since starting 297 days ago. I am not struggling to sustain it, but keeping a regimen requires utmost love, commitment to one’s spirit to have a better quality of life, supportive family members and the best trainer who understands not only fitness, but also the human spirit!  The best part, when I had my dress fitting, Carlyn said I had lost 4 inches -- almost two dress sizes.  I was able to make change in 2010!  In 2011, change will be a process!