Leading with a Conscious Heart - Part II

“Do not stick out your booty, lead with your chest!” - Quoc Ngo, 2010 Who would think that this line would inspire me to write a two-part essay?  It started one morning with a hearty workout and correctly guided push-ups “to align my booty with my back and to lead my push-ups using my chest first.” I immediately saw the wisdom in Quoc’s statements and reinterpreted it as “ Do not start your relationships with lusty appreciation of your booty, but instead, lead your relationships with your heart."  When we put our self-interests first, we lose relations with folks. Instead of using our conscious hearts, we relate to them with our unconscious bottoms, looking to them for maximizing our opportunities, instead of serving them. Leading with a conscious heart, according to Gary Hendricks, has three qualities: telling the truth, keeping agreements and listening non-judgmentally. Part I dealt with telling the truth and why that practice is about loving yourself and others.  Part II is about keeping agreements and listening non-judgmentally and how these help build trust within a community and a nation. Why keeping agreements is honoring others When you tell the truth, you honor yourself. Your soul is at peace. You also make agreements that you keep. Over the years as a non-profit volunteer, I worked with folks who made excuses as to why they could not fulfill their responsibilities.  When the going gets tough, I got phone calls from people who wanted to drop out. The more excuses they gave as to why they could not fulfill their responsibilities, the smaller in stature they felt. We then discussed some of their personal barriers. In some cases, I succeeded in influencing them to keep on going.  In other situations, I could not.  They showed little or no importance to folks who worked with them, and even less to their legacy while showing more to their self-interests. Lately, we had a failed run of a vice-presidential candidate who cared more about winning the election than her own running mate -- the other party’s presidential candidate.   She went to events spouting off her own ideas, some half-baked, some even ludicrous, like Russia can be seen from Alaska.  When her candidacy for America’s second highest position failed, she resigned as governor, mid-term in her tenure.   In Hill.Com, a fellow Republican, Governor Christine Whitman described her as “unqualified to run again for public office, as she shows more allegiance to her self-interests, and works against the interests of the constituents who elected her.” When I read that recently, it underscored the absolute importance of keeping agreements, as it shows how you honor your constituents and the mandate they gave you in electing you -- much like non-profits. At the recent memorial for the late Peter J. Corpus, SIPA and other organizations collaborated. It was a seamless celebration as folks contributed towards a common goal -- "introducing Peter J. Corpus to the larger community,"and setting aside their organization's self-interests. It was a labor of love, unselfishly and wholeheartedly given, as tokens of their final respects to Peter.  A video montage of his photos, the music, short tributes and even food entrees were carefully prepared.  Folks were ushered to view the casket, giving order to the event.  12 or more organizations unselfishly shared their talents and resources as parting gifts to Peter, like a seamless lei of orchids.   Each organization kept their agreements to one another.  Honoring agreements, these community organizations understood its importance, fulfilling an unwritten social contract as part of a caring and humane community. Herein lies the importance of listening non-judgmentally.   Most of my adult life was spent living in America, dealing with various multicultural groups: Jews, Caucasians, Italians, African-Americans, Latinos, and of course, Pinoys.   Can you imagine what it would be like, not being heard but being judged? You feel like a geek or a nerd or a social misfit  -- categorized or marginalized.  You feel like an inadequate outsider as Charice did in an episode of Glee.  Try spending time with a community of musicians.  Each musician validates one another and each player contributes to the overall musical arrangement which a jazz singer sings to.   Before Annie Brazil sang, she asked the pianist, Eli Brueggemann, “Is that an F?" to which Eli nodded. Annie smiled, and considered it might be her mistake, as she confided later on that she seemed to be hearing the bass at a lower tone.  She listened non-judgmentally and got going. The audience came to life and started singing with her. That is the effect of listening to one another, it was as if the audience blended with Annie’s positive energies and created a synergy of harmony -- a peaceful sea of contented hearts.    That is how I feel about my current set of friends. We come from various colleges and universities, yet later on, we found out that we share common values -- love of family, love of country, and love of music.  We shared stories that made everyone laugh, like one evening, at Rocio’s house.  Maura Brito, a Honduran-American, kissed and surrounded by young men in Paris, France She had assembled alumni from St. Agnes Academy and included us among them: Ligaya who went to Philippine Women’s University and who worked at ABC-TV here in the US; and myself from the University of the Philippines who worked in government.  We had nothing in common, except that we're both women, yet we stayed open and listened to one another non-judgmentally.  The end result was a non-stop evening of laughter over good food for three hours. Our gay friends, John and John did the same for Christmas brunch. Despite our differences, we had one thing in common -- a strong love of community. We went from table to table, exchanging stories. Even the teenagers and young children bonded on their own.  By the time we said goodbye, four hours had passed. Grace and Gratitude Dinner, Dec. 2010 All these three qualities of telling the truth, keeping agreements and listening non-judgmentally build trust within a community and create peace of mind within oneself.   Try doing the opposite, and you incur the ire of a community -- the anger of a nation upset over the loss of unemployment benefits, increased taxes for working families and too much generosity to the wealthy 2% of the population.   We have nothing against them, but we want them to recognize that they have everything: food, clothing, education and shelter, while other income groups are lacking in those basic needs.  So, why not help rebuild the trust within America and consider others’ interests and not solely our self-interests?  Pres. Bill Clinton said it best, " it is not about class warfare, it is [about] fairness, and that is what America is about. " Now, I fully appreciate what Quoc Ngo said and my own interpretation of it. Maybe we can recapture the best of America through our best selves, our healthy families and our healthy community!

Leading with a Conscious Heart - Part I

(Part 1)

“Do not stick out your booty, lead with your chest!” - Quoc Ngo, 2010

Who would think that this line would inspire me to write this essay?  It started this morning with a hearty workout, guided to do correct push-ups “to align my booty with my back and to lead my push-ups using my chest first.”

I immediately saw the wisdom in Quoc’s statements and reinterpreted it as “ Do not start your relationships with lusty appreciation of your booty, but instead, lead your relationships with your heart."

First let me share what it is not in Part I.  Then, allow me to share what it should be, in Part II -- lessons I gathered from observing many human conditions.

When I used to work with inept leaders in an organization, they hid behind their insecurities. I had worked in many settings: federal, state, county and city governments for close to three decades, including community service to non-profit boards and professional associations for close to four decades. 

Inept leaders emphasize numerical outcomes, insisting on numbers and volumes of work, irrespective of personal circumstances, training, and field situations.  It is as if folks are robots, machines that, on their own, would simply operate without motivation and inspiration.   Their emphasis on outcomes was sold to others, as their own ‘love for the organization,’ -- that others are viewed as disinterested in the welfare of the organization. Their universe is constructed solely to benefit them. 

So, when there is a common activity, they view others as objects, all must obey or comply. If not, they feel entitled to scream, to ridicule, and even humiliate folks in public.

If you take the time to examine their underlying intentions, they carry a personal agenda -- motivated by their blind love to get to the endpoint of what they believe is success, where "their own booties are taken cared of" but not others. No one has to discover their ineptitude or lack of imagination, while folks are busy being angry for being humiliated in public.

But, God is so good.  He brings in a process of cleansing misery and suffering away, as a new generation of leaders is installed with superior people skills, to remove the dead and dying bodies on the ground.

When Governor-Elect Jerry Brown announced his recent appointments, he underscored three qualities: an insider’s knowhow, an outsider’s mind and aset of people qualities.  He brilliantly reduced to its essence what a state worker must be, to function in the state bureaucracy that has not experienced an abundance of effective, imaginative leadership.

I believe Gov. Brown alluded to leaders with a conscious heart -- the way Gary Hendricks, a psychotherapist, would define a conscious heart with these qualities: tells the truth, keeps agreements and listens non-judgmentally. 

Why is telling the truth so important?  Truth is the language of the heart and soul. When lies are spoken and repeated to oneself and to others, the soul cringes and moves to the corners of darkness.  The depraved mind now starts imagining its own horrific scenarios, harvesting more negative thoughts of others and spirals its own negativity. 

It was recently described to me as “ Bad energy of one leader + bad energy of another leader = Evil."  

Folks can no longer trust, and somehow the leader attracts folks who encourage negativities to layer on her, as if lace wrapped around her body. She retreats to her isolated universe, capable of pandering only to her wrongful beliefs and inappropriate viewpoints.   

There is no love here, not for herself nor for others.

In a recent Desperate Housewives episode (entitled “Pleasant Little Kingdom“) Paul Young was depicted as a malingering neighbor, whose intent is to make everyone pay -- innocent or not -- for what he went through.  It is case of  “I will make society pay back for the harm I suffered.” He was wrongfully framed for a murder and in his wrongful incarceration, he came upon a pot of gold to settle his lawsuit.

Instead of moving forward, he plots to buy seven houses in Wisteria Lane withplans to convert one into a halfway home for those previously jailed to come back to society. At a neighborhood association meeting, the neighbors impulsively thought they could defeat Paul’s plan with a vote of 14-1.

Paul announced he owns seven houses in the lane and all he needs is one more to have his desired outcome.  Earlier in the episode, he said, “I have faith in people, and this is a testament to how I feel about you."  

His words are loving. Yet his sinister, evil intentions are lurking underneath. Paul panders to the vulnerable to gain an upper-hand: a laid-off worker, asenior citizen couple, a financially-indebted Susan. He lures them all withabove market price offers, a case of ‘taking care of their booties' first and forgetting they are all bonded with trust in that neighborhood, relying upon one another for advice, support and guidance.

The once united group disintegrates, forgetting their common interest as aunited body. They proceed to put first their narrow self-interests: How much should I sell my house?  Should I sell so I can pay off my debts and Mike can come back?  How much can I cash in to ‘save my booty?’ 

At some point, Lynette turns to Paul, “ We are not going to let you destroy this street." Paul responded, “I don’t have to. You are going to do it yourselves. “  

How many times have we become a Paul to our community folks?  How many times have we considered our booties first and forgot to lead our communities with our conscious hearts?  (Part 2 in the next issue)

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Email me, folks, with your own stories, prosyad@hotmail.com.