Shining Light into Dark Souls

“The soul is explosive and powerful. Through its medium of imagination, which is always a prerequisite for action and is the source of meaning, it can accomplish all things.  In the strength of its emotions, the soul is a gun, full of potential power and effect.  The pen, expressing the soul’s passion, is mightier than the sword because the imagination can change the life of a people at their very roots." - Thomas Moore

My firstborn, Corina Teresa, a 27-year-old law school senior, recently married Sergio Flores, a 28-year-old retail store manager. 

It was a wedding full of solemnity and ceremony -- and non-stop dancing till midnight! As my husband, Enrique made a public toast, it signified the intermingling of three families: the Abarquez family, headed by my mother, Asuncion Castro Abarquez; the Flores and Chavez family headed by Abuelo Chavez and Nancy Chavez; and the Delacruz Family headed by Felisa Buado Delacruz. It became a blending of cultures, with Spanish and Malay roots at its core.  

It was a joyous night --an  exchange of marital vows and the consecration of love through presence -- thoughtful consideration to others, a giving. Those resonated with most of the folks who attended the celebration.

Contrast the joy of celebrating a young couple's marriage and these three families’ union with Rep. Gabrielle Giffords’ fight for her life while a nation prays for her quick recovery and national civility. 

There have been many theories about why Jared Loughner, the gunman, unleashed his madness.  Several commentators called for a dialing down of rhetoric, including Sarah Palin’s narcissistic view: “ enough already of the blood libel of the media folks,“ which prompted a blogger to write “ Poor, poor Sarah! “, she has been victimized again, except she drew the gunsights on the democratic districts and used gun metaphors, Yet, she is not the one laying in the hospital with fluid in her brain and will need three hours of rehabilitation therapy to do basic actions."

The national discourse changed the next day, and Sarah Palin’s gun sights were taken down from her website.  Could these gun metaphors be fueling national realities?

It called to mind what Thomas Moore wrote in his book, Care of the Soul: “ If we do not claim the soul’s power on our own behalf, we become its victims.  We suffer our emotions rather than feel them working for us.  We hold our thoughts and passions inward, disconnecting them from life, and then they stir up trouble within, making us feel profoundly unsettled, or it seems, turning into illness.  We all know what it feels to hold anger in our hearts, as it builds and transmutes into corrosive resentment and rage. “

Over the years, I've been labeled by my detractors with names which deeply hurt.  Because of that, I learned soul searching, reflections and conscious service to others to feel grounded -- to feel God’s love for me, and to know that I am a beloved,  loving righteous Child of God. 

Lately, my faith-inspired articles have awakened dark souls who began to manifest around me.  Instead of focusing on their own life reviews, they have thrown darts at me.  I will not claim my soul is crystal-clear or pure, for God is the only judge, but thanks to my workplace detractors and few relatives, for through them, I got my sagging spirit back and did the hardwork to reclaim its vibrance and Nature’s joyful splendor. 

Life does not become joyful just like that. Joy and inner peace does not come through alcohol, cigarettes or drugs.  It comes from embracing the Higher Universe’s bestowed blessings and from using our talents for goodness of humanity. 

I looked at my past self, a person who cried so much that at some point, I felt my legacy would be all about tears. I stood up and said, "Enough! God did not create me to be a reservoir of suffering and tears."  

I claimed God back into my life. Previously, I have stopped going to mass before this change of heart.  I justified not going by focusing on the Church’s erroneous practices, like pedophilia, instead of the total spiritual richness of the entire congregation.   

Spiritual journey

I was personally attacked and labeled as naïve, "unable to hang with the big boys" in my workplace, while I stood for fairness and workplace democracy.  I was hyperscrutinized and rumors flew like wild fire.  Friends shunned me.  Few allies who shared my values stood by me and protected me. 

It got me looking into my life -- including my family who could not protect me at my workplace, and my teenagers who saw my unhappiness.  I experienced tragic losses of family members and good friends. Their abrupt endings did not make sense to me.  But instead of questioning God, I embraced Him as my only ally.  

I came upon Henri Nouwen’s book, “ Wounded Healer. “His insights mirrored the anguish of my inner spirit. I experienced the emptiness of my life, and it got me into a journey of spiritual development. 

I went through a rigorous life analysis.  The questions were developed with help from Dr. Phil, whom some misidentify as ‘"the hack." Yet, his questions were probing, difficult and in –depth.

I realized who the folks who helped me reach the wondrous qualitative moments of change were. They gave me love, shelter from harm, protection, and unconditional, wholehearted love. 

When I finally realized who they were, my passion and dedication to serve them intensified.  I did not leave any stone unturned for their needs.  And I said a prayer for my detractors -- because of them, I learned to say grace and gratitude.

When someone calls me names, with the most despicable profiling I have heard, I regard it as the mirror of a very dark soul, a ‘black heart’ that forgot to reflect and soaked up on the sufferings of others, without doing their own hardwork. They measure themselves through failed dreams and failed goals.

It is easy to spot folks with dark souls -- they are the ones who are suffering from deep-seated negative energies. They survive without self-love. They call themselves idiots  and criticize their parents. They sow intrigues and manufacture falsehoods to suit their cutthroat competitive behaviors. They thrive on making “ pulutan “ or sprinkle toxic criticisms about others and suck positive energies dry -- transforming them into the negative.

Many dark souls abound today and the cure for them is not violence, it is to push them to care for their soul’s power.  Sometimes, it's awakening them to make a choice: to persist to nurture their past and to live in darkness or to choose light and the vibrance of their human spirits.  

Imagine a single act of a gunman with a depraved heart now has become the focus of a national rift. Soon, I hope it will lead to national healing and reconciliation. Thomas Moore said it eloquently: “…If there is crime in our streets, it is due, from the viewpoint of our soul, not just to poverty and difficult living conditions, but to the failure of the soul and its spirit to unveil themselves. “

Civility is not achieved through prayers. Civility is personal action.  It is taking care of your own soul and excavating the past to be viewed in a new light  and being re-born as a precious child of the Beloved Higher One.   

Without self-love and recognizing you are beloved, you take on the sufferings of others, preferring to be the suffering Jesus Christ, forgetting that though Christ died on the Cross, he was also resurrected to give us all LIFE -- blessed on earth with joy and happiness.  

Corina Delacruz Flores and Sergio Flores, on their wedding day. Photo taken by Ja Tecson. 2011

When I fully realized that wonderful life-giving lesson, I was freer to enjoy the most loving marriage I witnessed between Sergio and Corina!